Mizz Erna

"I'm talking to all of you, here!" continued God, His voice rising to a shout. "Do you hear Me? I don't want you to kill anybody. I'm against it, across the board. How many times do I have to say it? Don't kill each other anymore—ever! I'm fucking serious!"

LOL

I've been a little busy.

TOGETHER WE STAND
September 29, 2001 Saturday
12 noon - ?
Pier 63 West 23rd Street, NYC
Donations: $10 (Proceeds will go to victims of the WTC attacks)
For more information, email: grimbottle@hotmail.com
To volunteer, email: maarte@arkipelago.org


Pier 63 @ 23rd St & West Side Hwy (12th Ave),
Just to the right of the Basketball/Equestrian Center at Chelsea Piers
Parking Available

Subway: C, E, 1/9, 6 to 23rd St, Bus: M23 West

The voice of freedom will never be silent.

Join us as the Filipino commmunity comes together for an all-day outdoor multicultural music festival. An interactive mural will be set up for all to express their thoughts, well wishes, and drawings. A community table will be on hand with information related to the WTC attack, places to volunteer and those organizing around bringing an end to the backlash.


This is also an invitation to those of you involved in activities around the WTC attack, whether a volunteer in the relief effort or organizing around the terrible backlash among the Muslim community, those with a Middle Eastern background, South Asians, and other people of color. We will be having a community table to share information about those organizing campaigns related to the recent events. Please feel free to bring literature from your organizations or campaigns, and information that you think should be shared and disseminated.


Objectives
:
To raise money for the families of policemen, firefighters, rescue workers, and civilian victims of the WTC attacks.
To raise awareness on and to end the backlash (harrassment/violence/killings) against Arab, Muslim and South Asian Americans.


Here's the line up:
RUTH MUNOZ
SONS OF BRANDO
KINKY VISION
JIM JAMES
LISA BIANCA
HYDRANT
BLOK BLOK
WALRUS
MIKE SANDWICH

IMMORAL FIBRES
CHRONIC SYSTEM
KONTRAST
ZIGBIN
FREAK SEASON

SHIVA COPAL
AUBO
GRIM BOTTLE
PIC

Hope to see you there...

God, when am I going to be able to sleep early??

From a friend who nails the range of emotions I am also going through, and I see no end to in the near future:

Dear Friends,

Please excuse the group letter but I thought it easier to e-mail all of you
at one time rather than individually. I just wanted everyone to know that I
am ok as are my friends that I have been in touch with and family. One of my
cousins was in building 7. thank god he is okay! We are fortunate...I am
Extremely shaken up and like many of you going through a gamut of emotions
from tears, guttural sobs, rage, fear, confusion, grief, deep, deep sadness,
powerlessness...For my friends here in NYC--I know each of you are going
through your own experiences with this overwhelming tragedy, I hope that
you are safe and that your friends and loved ones are too. I was unable to
contact folks because I was at NYU all day. No phone lines and then I stayed
overnight at J's because it was too difficult to get to Queens. I have
melted down twice as so much continues to sink in...walked around the city
yesterday and today aimlessly, feeling like a human sponge...seeking
courage, strength, understanding, and compassion...went to church twice
along with other comfort seekers...finding positive energy is
difficult...today-- I went to the river/west side highway and watched huge
dump trucks carrying pieces of the buildings, plane, cars out of the city
while fire trucks, police, ambulances, military vehicles came down the other
side of the highway...second by second reality sets in, in a way that can't
be shut out...



I think we all want our leaders to remain calm-- and our media to report
fairly...of course there are so many buts and what ifs...images and emotions
flood the front of my mind and heart beyond what I see and hear on the TV as
I am sure this is true for all of you. Wherever you all are in the world, I
hope that you are safe, praying, and sending good vibes across the
globe...as naive as it may sound, in my ideal spirit I hope we continue to
feel humanity and move towards peace not more violence. We are stricken with
what many in the world know in daily life, for those of you that do, help us
who don't to get through each day with strength, courage, compassion, and
faith.
I LOVE YOU ALL and wish you well!
A



Here is a Thich Nhat Hanh poem that I would like to share with you.



"Please Call Me By My True Names"



Do not say that I'll depart tomorrow

because even today I still arrive.

Look deeply; I arrive in every second

to be a bud on a spring branch,

to be a tiny bird, with wings still

fragile learning to sing in my new nest,

to be a caterpillar in the heart of a flower,

to be a jewel hiding itself in a stone.



I still arrive, in order to laugh and to cry,

in order to fear and to hope,

the rhythm of my heart is the birth and death

of all that are alive.



I am the mayfly metamorphosing

on the surface of the river,

and I am the bird which, when spring comes,

arrives in time to eat the mayfly.



I am a frog swimming happily in the clear water

of a pond,

and I am the grass-snake, who, approaching

in silence, feeds itself on the frog.

I am the child in Uganda, all skin and bones,

my legs as thin as bamboo sticks,

and I am the arms merchant

selling deadly weapons to Uganda.



I am the twelve year old girl,

refugee on a small boat,

who throws herself into the ocean

after being raped by a sea pirate,

and I am the pirate, my heart not

yet capable of seeing and loving.



I am a member of the Politburo

with plenty of power in my hands,

And I am the man who has to pay

his debt of blood to my people dying

slowly in a forced labor camp.



My joy is like spring so warm it

makes flowers bloom in all walks of life.

My pain is like a river of tears,

so full it fills all four oceans.

Please call me by my true names,

so I can hear all my cries and laughs at once.

So I can see that my joy and pain are one.



Please call me by my true names

so I can wake up and so the door of

my heart can be left open,

the door of compassion.

It's gonna be a busy weekend. Thank goodness I have tomorrow off. Today marks 2 years for me and B. Yay:) Tomorrow is my parents anniversary, and Sunday is B's birthday. Tomorrow, Mom said she wanted to go downtown close to the site and see what it looks like. Same thing with B. Not that I'm avoiding the area, but its not exactly the first place you think of going these days. I'm mean shit, we're suppose to eat lunch after that? Anyways. its weird. Like I've been saying all day (all week?) it's all too much.

And yeah Red, you're not alone. I've also been having bizarre dreams lately. One is an on-going series. I'm in the rubble at the site where the WTC once stood, except I don't know it. I don't think I'm scared, just curious, and I suppose a bit confused. In the dream, I don't know what happened and why it looks like that. In the dream its like I'm trying to figure out what happened. I remember seeing a Redcross sign and thinking that's a clue. I distinctly remember it being a clear sunny day, with a bright blue sky with a smidge of light clouds. I think its my mind still trying to process everything. Many people I've talked to have been having either nightmares or related weird dreams. Very odd. Is there some scientific explanation? Other than the fact that it feels like all of NYC is clinically depressed.

Even though I have much I would like to say -- opinions and thoughts that are NOT being heard in the media right now...

I'll save you from the demons you shake hands with

I'll save you from the dragon's kiss

Yes you have love, yes you wear that ring on

Your invisible finger but I'll be here if you should come to me

If the skies turn red and remind you of

a day when pretty colours bled and

made you miss someone

Yes you have love, in your hand a song

that you can sing in the darkness and

I'll be here if you should come to me.

Hey don't give in Mary Jill

You know it's gonna be all right

Oh yeah, I know it's gonna be all right.

Keep your creed and the highlights in your laughter

You live one door down from the truth

When at the end, dry and ragged,

you must sing in the darkness

and I'll be here if you should come to me...

...an angel will look down upon you, when you're feeling restless
and you are not all by yourself

When autumn brings her chill

I remember, I remember the air you walked into

On this day someone's watching over you...

-"Mary Jill" by Emm Gryner


Italics mine. It was one of those rare moments when you hear the perfect song at the perfect time. Last Wednesday, around 9 in the morning, I got to the airport (the first day of a few I would be at the airport fooling myself into thinking I would actually get home) and they were clearing it out to do a full security sweep. I sat outside with the hundreds (thousands?) of foolish pseudo passengers and airport staff alike. Surrounded by so many but feeling more alone than I remember ever being. As much as I wanted to be left alone in the that crowd, I needed someone, anyone to tell me everything was going to be alright.

Again, apologies for the extremely maarte mood.

This is not a fucking Western you dumb asshole.

Staring at Those Towers by Redrick deLeon

THE "REJOICING PALESTINIANS" OVER WTC ATTACK. Thanks for the link, C.

These are excerpts from a transcript of an interrogation of terrorist Abdul Hakim Murad. The Q&A was conducted by Philippine investigators after Murad was arrested in that country on U.S. charges.

Not to sound like a party (ha!) pooper but is anybody else here feeling a bit wary of all the American propaganda, not to mention some horrible so-called journalism going on lately? Then again, who am I to talk, I just hung an American flag (courtesy of a full sized page of a section in the NYT, whose "instructions" read something like, "remove from newspaper, hang on your window, embrace freedom") on the front window of my house.

My friend P is staying over tonite. Her mom is in India right now, so she'd be alone in the apartment. Working downtown at NYU brought her a bit to close for comfort to the tragedy of last Tuesday. I'm glad she feels at home here. You know what is really devastating about these incidents? (Forgive me, thoughts on last Tuesday are probably old news to you by now. Bear with me, I was internet deprived and worse, suffering from writers block even as a multitude of thoughts floated through my mind this past week.) What is so devastating is the fact that everyone I know, knows someone or knows of someone who was there, either at the WTC or the Pentagon. Tita C was so close to the Pentagon, they had to evacuate her work place. Another childhood friend of mine worked on the 76th floor of the North Tower and managed to escape (even after his other co-workers were given the go ahead to return to their work areas!!) because one lady was having a nervous breakdown and wanted him specifically to escort her downstairs to go outside. I know this may not directly affect some of you reading this, but living here in NY, it seems that everyone is connected to these incidents to close in fact that hearts are heavy with a hope that is slowly fading. It's so odd though, I have all these conflicting thoughts in my head. Part of me is still in shock about the events of the past few days. Driving into NYC last Friday from the airport, going through the Lincoln Tunnel, I could not believe that days after the attack and collapse, that the area was still so filled with smoke so high up, its almost like the ghost of where the WTC once stood. Yes, the WTC is a symbol of American capitalism, but then you think of the different kinds of people who worked there, from the shoe shine guys to the janitors, to the secretaries to the cashiers to the guards, that one's distaste and disgust for corporate America seems to fade into some academic nether world, politics becomes so frivolous when you think of all that have died, all that are still missing, and all that are still grieving or hoping. I don't know. I don't know.

I think I'm going to be sick. Reading about and watching personal stories of victims of the WTC attack for most of the day this week has not "desensitized" me one bit. I knew of one of my friends who worked at the WTC and for a couple of days I had no idea if she was okay or not. I found out a couple of days ago that she was alright, a bit traumatized from the experience of being in the building when it happened. To think for a couple of days I thought that one of my best friends had died, the thought was just too horrible. And though I know she's okay, I just can't get myself to call her to hear her voice, she probably had no idea how worried I've been for her safety. I don't know why I can't pick up the phone. I just don't know. I don't feel like to talking much to anyone at all.

We need to do something about this kind of sentiment, but what?

Sorry, if I haven't replied to your emails yet, still getting settled in from a 4 day forced stay in Minneapolis and Detroit and eventually flew into the Philadelphia Int'l Airport last night. Openings and closings at the NY area airports have been erratic so I finally gave up on trying to fly into NY directly. About 7 re-bookings, 3 different hotels, 3 different cities, and 3 of the longest days ever, I have never been so glad to be home. Even if the airline lost my luggage, something I had expected after all the changes even AFTER I checked in and held my boarding pass in hand. And I don't want to see the inside of an airport for a very very long time.

I'm home, finally.

So anyways, I'm going on another biz trip this weekend. Minneapolis. Woohoo. I don't think Ibalik will take offense by my sarcasm. Hehe. I really only have Sunday to do my sightseeing, since work takes over the rest of my time there. I thought I would have to settle for the biggest mall in America, thank goodness L. enlightened me about the Walker Art Center. And it's open on Sunday! :( But I'm without internet access for a few days:(

My inabilities are quite astounding. Agh.

Oh gad!

So I actually do have good news, I think. It's completely different from what I expected to be the good news I would hear, and it wasn't even something I had planned on or even thought of hoping for. Which is so weird, you know? Funny how things work out in the end, and as unplanned as it is, this
un-imaginable opportunity seems to be the perfect answer to my prayers.

Anyways, I write I think because it seems a little too good to be true at this point. I have to confirm what I was told. In short, Erna's going back to school. Yay:)

I got this in the mail today:

PRESS RELEASE

Filipino Domestic Workers Tell Stories Through Pictures at Photography
Exhibit Opening


New York - Ten Filipina domestic workers will kick off "Unseen America," a
photography exhibit, with an opening reception this coming Sunday, September
9, 2001 from 3:30 to 5:00 PM. The exhibit will be held at the Brecht Forum at
122 West 27th Street, 10th Floor, Manhattan (between 6th & 7th Avenues).

"Unseen America" is a program to promote first person photographs and stories
by members of society who we do not often see in our nation's media. The
program is sponsored by 1199's Bread and Roses Cultural Project.
Participants of the spring 2001 class are babysitters, housekeepers,
secretaries and administrators and are members of the Filipino Workers Center
and Women-in-Motion.

The photographs are all black and white and depict the social, family and
work life of the participants. There will be a short program at the
reception in which some of the photographers will discuss their work.

The exhibit is on-going until October 1, 2001. The exhibit is available for
viewing most weekday afternoons and by appointment. There is no charge.

For more information, please contact the Filipino Workers Center at
212-741-6806, or e-mail filipinoworker@aol.com

I think I want to bring my mom to this. :)

above: More Palawan pics.

Wow, its really really cool to find a site that tells the history of your family's (well, Mom specifically) hometown. Once I've gone through the site, I'll search for history on Dad's hometown. Even though he moved around alot when he was young.

And I find it absolutely hilarious that both Cabuyao and neighboring Calamba (where most of my Mom's side of the family now reside) are named as they are from misunderstandings due to either mumbling Pinoys, or hard-of-hearing Spaniards. Ahh, the joy of clear communication. Lost. Completely.

Isis International-Manila is a feminist NGO committed to challenging this elitist and patriarchal control of information and communication by creating and strengthening alternative networks and channels for women’s advocacy. Information and communication are basic ingredients in the creation of awareness. Information provides knowledge, and communication allows knowledge to be shared. Together, they enable the exchange of experiences, analyses and strategies and the building of networks and movements. Together, they make possible individual and collective action for social transformation.

Cool.

above: Flushing Meadow Park, Queens NYC

above, more photos from Palawan.

Hmm a theory as to why the "Gavina incident" in Jersey City happened? Something about the reasoning irks me a bit, not sure why. And also, how come nobody wants to talk about the Gavinas in the first place? It is kinda eerie.

short personal interruption

another crazy idea was offered to me by my friend...i might be going back to school! we'll see what happens, i hear about the possible scholarship later today...

Art against racism.

Are you proud to be you?

And so begins a week of links and discussion in honor of the World Conference Against Racism, Racial Discrimination, Xenophobia, and Related Intolerence to spare you kind folks from the details of my currently (always?) sad pathetic life.

I think I would like my page's layout to be more like this. What do you think? I'm also getting quite sick of the color on it as well.

Tonite was kinda nice. B and I hung out with my friends from college. First we met up at Tao's. Well technically, we met them outside, coz B and I couldn't stand it inside. Too crowded and uppity and trying to hard to be cool, bland (if you get the drift) folks inside. And there's a huge Buddha statue inside for god's sake! So we waited outside while they went in to check it out. I sighed with relief when they hated it as much as we did. I hadn't seen them in a while and was worried for a moment that they went "chi-chi" on me. We drove downtown to this much cooler place called Lush. Even as we walked in we immediately felt more at ease, more folks of color and an all around better feel. Nice colors but not too bright. Mostly hip-hop, r&b music. They even had a lounge in the back. By 1am though, my old fogey-ness had settled in and I was ready to go home and sleep. And so here I am, the consummate geek, blogging away at 3am. Man, it's getting way too expensive to hang out with your friends these days...

You have GOT to watch, Shower. That is, if you haven't already.