For the first time I have a negative balance on my checking account, and yet if you looked at me, I would not have to tell you that I am happy. I'm not delusional of course. Obviously negative balances (on checking acounts or anywhere else for that matter) do not help bring about positive thinking. I'm stressed as hell that my stipend hasn't come in yet. Even though I am fortunate (these days anyway) to be living with family, I've been trying to stretch what money I do have as far as possible so that god forbid I wouldn't have to ask the 'rents for money. Of course, I've already falied miserably in that department. And yet, believe it or not, I'm still the happiest I have been since I could remember.
The attitude-ridden, non-stop loud mouth kids are starting to grow on me. I can't believe it. The classroom teacher has asked me to teach a couple of whole class "lessons" with little warning (5, 10 minute notice at most) and i've managed to get through them with surprising success. I really don't mean to sound over-confident when I say that I really astonish myself. I'm proud of myself that for some weird reason, the kids listen, and participate, and miracle of miracles, follow my directions! Anyways, confidence is underrated. I relish these rare times when I can truly feel like I did something well. They seem to realize that I don't tolerate much and I can sometimes over hear them saying, "put the cards/toy/storybook away, she's gonna take it away!". Despite my reputation for strictness (don't laugh, its true! I'm stricter than their regular teacher!), I got hugs (out of the blue) and was told my even by the toughest kids, "I wish you were our teacher." Haaay, ang sweet. It will be important for me to remember this next time I have to break up a fight. Which still happens, unfortunately, every day or so.
