Mizz Erna

Wow, check out ericalba.com

[link via Red]

Once upon a time...

Omigod, today's horoscope for me:

Your choices may be limited, but your enemies don't need that information.
Delay works in Aries's favor, torturous as the wait seems. Keep your
feet on the ground, your back to the corner, and your eyes on the
door.

Itals are mine. Sheeeeeeit!

My pirate name is Mad Anne Vane, what's yours?

hey you asians out there, looking for something to annoy you? this metafilter thread should do the trick.

Hey check out pics of B, G, and me in my backyard in Ibalik's post today...and my sorry attempt at playin the guitar:P

Dammit. I want that job. I find out this week. I think I'm gonna be up for a while, and more late nights until I find out...I haven't even really thought about what I would do if I don't get the job. I just have to get it. Dammit.

aww, now i feel bad for old wil, really...

On the leftside menu: okay I republished my old blogs, from l when I started last summer. So if you're REALLY bored, have fun. I also added a link to my old About me page, its still semi-relevant. I oughta update that soon, and uh changed the cut and paste style design.

Sad: Aaliyah died in a plane crash earlier today... Everyone online tonite seems to have switched the radio to Hot 97 which is (was?) doing a tribute.

Am I a lame-ass for being entertained by Wil Wheaton's site? Yes, I think so. Still trying to figure out if its a joke.

Hmmm, time for a trip to Boston?

Okay, I need go to sleep already, but not before I embarrass myself for your reading pleasure. In early 1994, then President Ramos was in town for some event at the Jacob Javits Center. My parents decided to go see him speak. Apparently, they send journalists from the Philippines wherever the president goes and my parents met a couple of them. To cut a long story short, it must have been a slow news day in Manila, because they actually did a Lifestyle Section feature on silly, ignorant me. Boy, I hope I've come a long way since then. Don't worry, I spared you the huge pictures that accompanied the article.

Because its two in the morning and I still can't sleep, here are some pics from today's MET adventure. Except for the first one, I took the pics. I dunno what's with me and shadows lately.

Oh, lookie, you can comment on each post now, care of J-Soft. Salamat!

Tamad ka ba? Thanks for the link, Ari.

I need a distraction badly. Okay, I think my interview went well. Up to about, oh, say 20 minutes after my interview I was feeling really great about it. It DEFINITELY went better than the last interview I went on, so that should mean something, right? Plus they were pretty impressed with a presentation they had asked me to do for the interview. Thorough daw ang lesson plan ko. Anyways, right about now, I'm ultra nervous. I really really want that job. I find out next week, and you KNOW I'll be crossing my fingers til then. We'll see...

After the interview, B and I FINALLY went to the MET. Inside. This is quite significant because about 2 years ago B and I met up there for the first time (which actually ended up being our first date:) and wouldya believe it - the museum was closed! We never quite got around to going back inside there since. Can you believe it took us two years to finally go back? I've never been to the roof top there before. It was really beautiful. Took tons of pics there and throughout the museum. If I ever get around to it, I may post some of the ones I took.

Guess who's having a picnic?

Yeeesh. Apologies for that last pathetic plea for ego-boosting. I'll try to keep those to a minimum. But thanks for the feedback:) Some of you really made my day.

So I accomplished some stuff last night to prepare for the interview. I think I'll be alright. Maybe I was having a Metafilter withdrawal attack. Gave me too much time to think and self-analyze. Thank goddess they're back:) Procrastinators unite!

Okay so, this is why I was a wreck this morning. Not 10 minutes into getting to work, I'm bawling (quietly) at my desk because my friend (who was gonna meet up with me to help me prep for the interview this Friday) realized how busy this week was going to be for her and probably could not meet with me to gimme a boost before my interview. You don't know how important it was for me to be able to meet up with her.

Pathetically, I feel like I screwed up my last interview due to my lack of confidence. I was totally down-playing what I've done in the jobs I've had. And why? I have no idea why. What the &@#! is wrong with my head. You're suppose to "sell" yourself at an interview, right? Agh. I can't, I just can't.

And I know if I want to get out of this sucky job I'm gonna have to sell myself, or at least believe in myself enough that I'll impress them with my confidence, experience and skills. Ack, I gag writing that down. I can't do it. Yeah, I've done stuff, but its done, why bring it up. See? This is the mess i'm living with: Mr. Low-Self Esteem, kick-myself- while -i'm- down, etc.

And because I can't afford to let this esteem issue screw me up in getting the job, I need your help. If you think I'm a decent human being, send me email, sign my gbook, and make my head explode. Boost my ego, please, at least for this week. Next week, I'll give you the pin to burst my bubble to bring back down to loser land.

If you're too lazy to make contact, send me good, positive vibes of self-confidence on Friday, okay? Me will lab you long time. Thanks. :)

Today sucks rotten apples.

Why my Tita E is the Kween (even though my mind still has "RESIGN" flashing in neon lights)

Dear Shithead,

It is refreshing to hear that you are actually listening to the voices of wisdom.(your mom and dad's) As we all want to move on to better pastures and more rewarding career paths, this shit called "reality" keeps on flashing its "friggin red lights". Mine for the longest time had been saying stay in that job because you need to send your kids to school, keep their little tummies with this thing termed food and provide them a roof over their bumbunan when it snows. Well, I have news for you now, I have decided to not to feed them anymore, allow them to become stupid and not send them to school either and lastly it does not snow here in the Fliplands so I have also taken down the roof over their little heads.He! he!

This was the beginning of her reply to my email about my current sad pathetic job woes. Happy Monday, ya'll. Sheyaaaaah, right...

Yay, Mimi's back too!

it's not as bad as it seems really thanks for your concern though...

i'm on this high and low right now both ends intoxicate with the high its a jittery anxious nervous delirium with the low low low i'm just down and unsure and i don't know i just don't know you know anyways it makes for great crappy little free writes like this at least

In Memoriam: P.C. Morantte, not known as a writer of Filipino American literature, although he wrote plays, poems and fiction, and his memoir of Carlos Bulosan, Carlos Bulosan: His Heart Affair With America, is often consulted by students of Filipino American studies. His obscurity may be due to the fact that much of his output was in the form of non-fiction, reportage, and editorial. Read more at Filipino American Literature.

target taken mental health sick day once again need to leave the job before I go nuts what will i say tomorrow when i return after leaving a frantic message this morning like E. said the other day I have hammered in the last nail onto my coffin will it always be like this need to be stronger need to not need wind blowing into my window blue sea on my batik drapes flying with invisible force mess in my room lingers like the smoke from my cancer stick

Hey, Jake's back. Happy happy joy joy! Now, where'd Grace go?

Unfortunately, this is sooooo me (not all the time though):

They have worries, they're counting the miles, they're thinking about where to sleep tonight, how much money for gas, the weather, how they'll get there - and all the time they'll get there anyway, you see. But they need to worry and betray time with urgencies false and otherwise, purely anxious and whiny, their souls really won't be at peace unless they can latch on to an established and proven worry and having once found it they assume facial expressions to fit and go with it, which is, you see, unhappiness, and all the time it all flies by them and they know it and that too worries them no end.

-Dean Moriarty from On the Road by Jack Kerouac

Actually Dustin, I've renamed it:) Hindi daw haiku, kaya naging Hai(na)ku nalang. Hehe.

I dunno what's with me today. Here's some more silliness:


3-layered Hai(na)ku



I've never really been free from its grip

at times an ugly incestous circle

everyone is dying to get out of



i've been semi-free

Though aching to get sucked in again

Part of me doesn't mind



like the prodigal son wanting to return to my tribe

i'm returning to my community

of dreamers and seekers

my attempt at a freewrite (i can't even get that right!)

okay

close your eyes

i'm serious!

close

your

eyes

And picture this.

You're in a room

An empty room

and

there's one window

with a gray curtain

there's a closet

the door is closed

walk to the closet

open the door

and there's a box

you pull the heavy box out

its dirty with dust and dried paint peelings

pull it to the center of the room

What's in there?

Old photographs?

Old clothes

A typewriter?

A paint brush?



This is stupid. I got all these ideas in my head and I can't get myself to write them down at the moment and when i finally write it down its not like i imagined it like it was better off just staying in my head instead of putting it to paper. or email. anyways.

anyways, arugula rocks. yes, i am having a salad today. really.

Model Minority thought it'd be fun to "subvert this image and declare that a real model minority is a conscious force that unites with other oppressed nationalities instead of stepping over one another other for a slice of the devil`s pie - a force that finds its enemy in the structure of white supremacy that the US of A was founded on and not in being towards the bottom of the well." Neat.

I was singing this song the other day and my voice choked like I was about to cry. I'm so emotional lately. Weird, no?

The Rose

Artist: Bette Midler

Words & Lyrics by: Amanda McBroom



Some say love, it is a river that drowns the tender reed.

Some say love, it is a razor that leaves your soul to bleed.

Some say love, it is a hunger, an endless aching need.

I say love, it is a flower, and You its only seed.



It's the heart, afraid of breaking, that never learns to dance.

It's the dream, afraid of waking, that never takes a chance.

It's the one who won't be taken, who cannot seem to give.

And the soul, afraid of dyin', that never learns to live.



When the night has been too lonely, and the road has been too long,

And you think that love is only for the lucky and the strong,

Just remember in the winter far beneath the bitter snows,

Lies the seed, that with the sun's love, in the spring becomes

The Rose.

I also re-found "Gracias Y Perdon" a song my friend Macarena (I'm totally serious. This was before that insidious song came out.) during camp used to sing and play on guitar that her friend wrote. It's in Spanish (duh) and I only have an inkling of what it means, but it's really beautiful. I noticed that my voice is getting stronger. Whaddaya know.

Life still sucks, but not totally. I saw two pretty good movies in the past few days. And they come highly recommended. Go watch American Pie 2 (am I the only one in America that hasn't seen the first one?) and The Others. I think American Pie has gotten unfair reviews. All this time I thought the movie would be a completely gross and shoot-me-please idiotic movie. Not at all. I actually really enjoyed. It wasn't corny, it was stupid at times, but forgiveable. Ewan, basta, gusto ko siya. And I wish I wasn't a total scaredy cat and closed my eyes/ears during the good parts of the movie, but The Others is definitely the kind of movie you'd want to watch a second time. Carefully.

Oh and I wrote a stupid song. Wrote the lyrics at a diner with B when I grew tired of whining about how sucky things are and wrote the music on my bed on my guitar. I just made sure (actually I didn't have much of a choice) they were with chords I knew well. I can only play E, Em, G, A, Am, and D with ease. I can badly play F, Fm, C, Dm. And even worse, I can sometimes play Bm and F#, but only if the Song Hits song is really great and I just have to play it. Like the Eraserheads' Magasin. Whoa, neat site, Eraserheads. Oh, and my song, tentatively titled, "Apple Pie Ala Crap" has these chords: E, A, and D but not necessarily in that order.

Oh! And I finally got to read Arnold Arre's graphic novel Trip to Tagaytay which hopefully will be reviewed in the next issue of maARTe. I am inspired by this quote from the graphic novel: Dream. That's all I need to do.

Now if only I wasn't afraid to dream once again.

what the %^%$$% am I %^%^#% doing? F@@#$ $#^%$ %^^&* %&^^%*&!! S$%^ $#^%^$ %^%$ $%#$^!!!

My horoscope, what a joke:

It's shaping up to be another perfect week. You're a benevolent despot with absolute power over your surroundings. Whether you pursue business or pleasure, expect a time of historic success.

Um, another perfect week? Where are you my historic success? What a freaking joke. Of course, I have tomorrow off, so life can't be so bad, right?

A Pinoy Asian Avenue?

Sorry for the lack of posts lately, I'm just boring right now. Ha:)

One cool thing though was that B. and I got to meet up with P@3ck and a friend last Saturday and saw emm gryner perform at the living room on Stanton and Allen. Emmy, I was so sure you'd be there, considering there was no age minimum AND no cover. Of course we barely found seats, it was pretty much a standing room only gig.

I think I like this brown background a little better, what do you think? Maraming salamat Cia:)

Unleash that creativity!

Please spread the word:



Have you ever seen a photo or painting, only to find out it doesn't have a title? You have no idea what it's supposed to be about so you are either left frustrated or think up your own title. Well, "Untitled" is a new interactive section where you, the reader, are invited to let your imagination flow! This is how it works: every issue, maARTe will put up an untitled photo, painting or some kind of visual art piece. What you get to do is to interpret and most important, give it a title and we will post them up, right here! Your interpretation could be a straight answer about what you think the image is telling you. It might evoke a childhood memory or a recent experience you had. It could even be a poem or story you are inspired
to write because of the image. It's up to you how you want to interpret what you see. Please limit you interpretation to 300 words and send your submission to OurStory@arkipelago.org There is no wrong or right answer, though on the next issue, we may reveal to you who the artist is and their own interpretation of their piece.

Here is Untitled #1:

This is temporary. Why do my links come out blue when I coded it to be white??