I hope you have a happy new year's! I've never had a date on New Year's Eve before. This is my first. And I can't wait to go out for some dancing and fun with my baby. Of course I also play "Cinderella" tonite, since I want to be home before midnight to be with my family.
Like the new layout? I hope so. I plan to tweak it a bit more, and hopefully I'll finally be able to work on the other parts of the page soon. I was sorta inspired by Red's new layout, though of course I could never compare my attempts to his neat site. As he says, it's "awesome"! But for real, check it out. It really is awesome.
Oh and check out Christine's fave fives for the year. You may even find a link back to me on it. Oh, I feel so special:)
Arggh! No matter what I do, the font size on here is screwed up! I want the body to be MUCH smaller and the font on your right bigger, like before. What am I doing wrong??
I bought this CD after listening to my friend's band. They did their own version of My Favorite Things, which was awesome. I can't believe I've never heard Coltrane's take on it before. Did you know that the song is over 13 minutes long? It's so good. I want to wake up to it every morning.
I spent waaaaay too much this year. again. I hope my credit card bills get lost in the mail. (yes i know that won't change anything but it will delay the horror that awaits...)
Some say the real millenium starts this coming year. Maybe a godsent computer glich will erase my debts? That would be cool. hehe
But then, that sucks. What if I want to write a story that doesn't necessarily portray ourselves in a positive light? Actually I think I already did with "Tsismis." And when I was in a wrtiting workshop and my story, "Salt and Blood Pudding" was being critiqued, they were concerned with the negative portrayal of the Philippines. I mean here was this Filipino American girl, going to the Philippines for the first time, and she encounters a horrific character like a mananggal? Of course, I don't write these pieces with the intention of portraying the Philippines or Filipinos in a negative way. In fact, because I know where I'm coming from when it comes to writing my stories, I don't necessarily see them as negative. That doesn't stop me from being concerned about how other people will interpret them though. Like with, "Tsismis", everytime I get to perform it, I'm always scared that I'll come off as this self-hating FilAm who likes to make fun of the Filipino accent. Which is not true! Really! I mean, how much responsibility do I have to portraying Filipinos? How come I don't get the luxury of making up things, having a Filipino setting but have it totally fiction, without worrying that non-Filipinos (or Filipinos who've never been to the Philippines or near other Filipinos) will take my fiction as fact? Like they'll read "Gift of Tongues" (a story I have yet to post up) and think every Filipino member of a prayer group is a freaked out, overzealous, and complacent hypocrite?
Hmmm, people actually do read my site. Cool. Patrick, you've got an interesting argument there. But while I do not doubt Asian men have it "bad" in terms of media portrayal, I don't think they have it the worst. Siyempre, as a female, I'll see it that way, just like you would see it in your way. In fact even among Asian American writers, there is a similar debate on who has it worse. I would say that Asian American women and men are portrayed unfairly in different ways, and I'm sure there is a connection between the ways we are stereotyped. Like I said earlier, I think that besides being militant and outspoken (easier said than done) in protesting these portrayals, we need to be proactive and also create our own images. And support those who are out there do it. Make sense?
By the way if you read through the list of films/videos Arkipelago showed at last year's SPT, you'll see a good number by Pinay film/videomakers. And that was just from last year!
a layman's guide to bush v. gore. This will proably make your blood boil. I still can't get enough of this stuff. I think I even read and watch the news more now than before the indecision, err, decision was made.
I got a a haircut last week. I look like Shaun Cassidy. I hate it. Argh. It's only slightly better than the awful 80s perm I had in the, well, 80s. There's just no excuse for this. Buti na lang cute ako. Hehe, kapal, no?
Random thought: The idea that images of Filipina women in the media (or Asians, or people of color in general, but for the sake of this particular "argument" bare with me) are often negative, i.e. the generic Asian mail order bride in "Priscilla, Queen of the Desert", Miss Saigon, general portrayals in the news, elicit much protest from various progressive groups. It's been said that there aren't enough "positive" images of Filipinas. Which is true. But I think something that is over looked is that any attempts at diversifying the image of Filipinas is largely ignored or just plain unsupported by not only the mainstream media, but by the Filipino (or Asian, etc.) community. There are so many (of course there needs to be more though) independent Filipina filmmakers not just in the Philippines, but here and Canada, I'm sure there are more out there that go largely unnoticed...and we need to support them!! Sorry if I'm not being specific here. Which is why it was just a thought. And not a paper. heh.
That uneven header/banner/whateverdahellucallit up there is annoying me. how come it looks fine on the "About" page but not here? Is it some weird blogger code remnant? I'm stumped. Any ideas?
IM'd earlier today: sorry i put a size 48 and bolded some harsh words earlier.... Hmmm, do i live in the 21st Century or what? Or maybe we're both just geeks, hehe...
We're skipping out on the party tonite, which would be more obligatory than fun, and spending some "quality time" together. As much time as we spend together, we've been extremely lacking in time worth spending together. I can't wait.
...frustrated, bitter, disappointed, unkempt, feeling sobrang taba, questioning, pissed...why don't they fight back? i'm not suppose to be the bully here...i know i don't make sense, just allowing free flowing thought...if you skip this post, i won't count it against you...or maybe i will...bad at letting go...of good things....bad things...i just can't let things go sometimes...even when i forget why i'm holding on to the bitterness or forget what it is i'm holding on to...he's always saying just let it go...why is it so much easier for him?
Feeling...lazy...frustration...overwhelmed...underpaid...lazy...uhmmm...lazy...wish I had the drive to do it all...well, to do anything productive...instead of whining about it here...whaaaaaaa...
Depending on who it is, meeting someone new can provide an adrenaline-like rush, especially when you know immediately that you can "connect" with that person. I don't think it really matters if it is the beginning of a platonic or romantic relationship, as much as I love being a catalyst (kapal, no?) in expanding other peoples universes, it's even better when my own universe expands just a little bit more. If you're wondering, yes, I was talking about you.
And yes, B., I still love you, always! Like, duh:)
Love this song. Note to self: find old Toad the Wet Sprocket tape. Dang, I'm glad Pat and Dustin are back. Was it just me or did i've seen better days go offline for a while there?
Shhh, I shouldn't be telling you this but since not too many people actually read my site, I'll tell ya. On the maARTe mailing list, we have 99 members who've signed up. Don't you wanna be the 100th? Maybe we should give a prize or something. Hehe.
Congratulations to Rod Pulido, whose feature length film The Filpside will be featured in the Native Forum section of the 2001 Sundance Film Festival in Park City, Utah this coming January! [from maARTe]
I just did the dance of joy. Just found out I am going to New Orleans in February and Las Vegas in April for WORK. Coolness. I wish you could see my silly grin, hehe:) And if it pushes through, I may be going to the Philippines in March for my cousin's highschool graduation. Boy, am I gonna be traveling! I'm so excited...
I haven't quite finished formatting all the stories in the writing section. And I suppose if you've actually read the stories, you're kinda sick of them already. I promise to post up a new one by the end of the week, okay? Next stop for Mr. Tables: the photo section, and then this main page. I'm trying to put some uniformity to my site. Finally, right? I just can't stop thinking about it. *sigh* I am such a geek. Hehe:)
Mr. Ironfish once said, tables are your bestfriend - once you get the hang of using tables, you can give structure to your page. learn it and gain control of the layout. afterwards, you can marry it.
And so, I spent the better half of this already busy weekend finally trying out tables, and actually fixing the html codes, and stuff instead of cheating the way my lazy ass usually does. I now not only want to marry Mr. "split the cell as many times as you want" Table, I am obsessed. And you thought I had better things to do with my time than spend it in front of my computer. Ha!
Boy, I can't wait to get home so I can play with Mr. Tables some more...
A quiet Friday night is looking to be a quite busy one! First off to meet some friends and catch up at Junnos and then celebrating the birthday of honorary Looney sis, Farah, who incidentally is one talented poet. She's in Babaylan too! Yes, it's quite a small world after all.
Despite the busy weekend ahead, B. and I will sneak in the Crouching Tiger movie, since everyone's been raving about it. I still don't know why.
Speaking of anniversaries, I missed my "web journal" anniversary. Did you know that I've been doing this for OVER a year? Note to self: don't forget web anniversary, October 3!
There are moments in life when you miss someone so much that you just want to pick them from your dreams and hug them.
Dream what you want to dream; go where you want to go; be what you want to be, because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you want to do.
May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human, enough hope to make you happy.
Always put yourself in others' shoes. If you feel that it hurts you, it probably hurts the other person, too. The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.
Happiness lies for those who cry, those who hurt, those who have searched, and those who tried, for only they can appreciate the importance of people who have touched their lives.
Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss and ends with a tear. The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past, you can't go on well in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.
When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling. Live your life so that when you die, you're the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.
Please send this message to those people who mean something to you, to those who have touched your life in one way or another, to those who make you smile when you really need it, to those that make you see the brighter side of things when you are really down and to those you want to tell how much their friendship/love is appreciated.
And if you don't, don't worry, nothing bad will happen to you; you will just miss out on the opportunity to brighten someone's day with this message...
It's only TUESDAY?? This is going to be a loooooong week. And I apparently am NOT going on vacation next week. At least not going away on vacation:) I'll think of something to do on my day(s) off. The ideas are already churning...Something to look forward to, that's all I need right now...and a little cash of course:)
Christmas cards to send, Christmas gifts to send, replying to emails, writing up press releases, paying bills, arghhh! Too much! I think I'm in serious need of a vacation...
So much for my 3 second long dreams of super stardom on the stage. HA! I blanked out on a whole line! I must have the worst memory ever created...
Why is it so much easier to snuggle into the warm and comfortable trap...err...bed of self-pity than to rise up to the seemingly unattainable mountain peak of self-confidence?
B. was momentarily pissed at me coz all I could remember from the show was messing up big time. Eh, I can't help it! I'm my own worst critic. I'll kick me down before you can even come close. I guess it's my own twisted form of self-defense.
Which is why I have a bad feeling about the job. I don't know, I just don't know. The only feeling I can get with respect to the position is negative. I try to fight it, but it's the only gut feeling that seems to linger. So, I guess I'll be at my crappy (even crappier now, coz I know what's out there!) job for the time being. When will another opportunity like this come to me again? Am I just destined for mediocrity?
Shiver, it's December. Last night's show went okay, except when I BLANKED!! Argghh...B. thinks I'm exaggerating since technically it was just a couple of words. No one noticed daw. Thank you for lying so sweetly:) Two shows to go...
So, I had THE interview last Wednesday. Honestly, I can't tell how well it went. It felt like more of a conversation than a real interview, so it was rather informal. But I still don't believe I proved my worth for the job, you know? I wish I "wowed" her, because I feel I really can take on this position, but I don't think I did. And I felt like I asked more questions, however "intelligent", than the interviewer did! Plus it was really short. My friend told me short interviews are a good sign. I just don't see how. Oh well. I find out next week. She has a few more interviews to do. The cool thing was, supposedly a lot of people sent in theire resumes for the position, but she only chose a "handful of really qualified candidates." Eeek. One messed up thing though was that one of the people I asked to be a reference for me turned out to be going for the job too!! Arggh, and the worse thing is, I think he'd be great for the job.
Sorry for the boring rant. You didn't really have to read it. I just needed to express it:)
Arggh! Third day of jury duty tomorrow. A day I requested off. Arggh!
The X-mas show at church starts tomorrow, and I am incredibly nervous...I've never sung in public that wasn't in church during mass. i've never had to hold a mic before. Tonite after rehearsal, I went home and practiced singing with a round hair brush. Hehe.
It will be okay, it will be okay, it will be great...
